As an (SJ)LEGALIST mate, you're both responsible and sensible. That's both the good news and the bad when it comes to your type's loving relationships.
The LEGALIST doesn't embark on serious relationships frivolously, nor forsake them on a whim. The promise ``for better or for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, 'till death us do part'' surely was written by a LEGALIST.
Relationships are commitments to this type, and, in mating as in all other life pursuits, the LEGALIST honors commitments and expects others to follow suit.
Whether the LEGALIST first comes across as conservative, any potential mate had better believe that the LEGALIST is a solid citizen of the here and now, a practical, reliable Rock of Gibraltar.
This theme runs throughout the life and loves of the LEGALIST mate. For the LEGALIST, life has to make sense, fit in with the heritage of the past and look toward the future. For most LEGALISTs, the family is society, and it must be preserved, protected and defended in order to ensure the continuity of all we hold dear as a people.
Anyone who loves an LEGALIST had better realize that family obligations and celebrations do matter, that rituals count, and that politeness and respect are values to be honored.
The dating/courting pattern for an LEGALIST is likely to be a careful, deliberate process if the LEGALIST is approaching the relationship as a potentially serious one.
The LEGALIST may evaluate potential partners on a number of dimensions, checking off characteristics as if a report card were being issued.
That's only natural: assessing, judging and deciding come second nature to the LEGALIST in all life activities. And the LEGALIST is such a good observer of details that no fault of the potential mate is likely to escape the LEGALIST's watchful eye!
The LEGALIST may be attracted to the frivolous and impulsive side of other types, but shortly into a relationship, the LEGALIST will begin pointing out the partner's faults. ``Shoulds'' and ``shouldn'ts'', ``oughts'' and ``ought nots'' may pepper conversations.
Anyone who mates with a typical LEGALIST should be prepared for ``constructive criticism'' on an ongoing basis.
Don't misunderstand: the LEGALIST does not require perfection in a mate. In fact, the LEGALIST may feel some special warmth for the mate's endearing flaws. Those flaws translate to ``I need you'' flags to the LEGALIST and this type does need to be needed.
Love to the LEGALIST is giving, doing, sacrificing, and caretaking. Given a choice between taking and giving in a relationship, the typical LEGALIST will give.
LEGALISTs may carry this self-sacrificing pattern to extremes at times, losing sight of their own needs and wants for the sake of their partners'.
The key is this: as much as the LEGALIST wants to be loved and cared for, this type often is plagued by a deep-seated sense of unworthiness, by a feeling that love must be earned, that worth must be proven.
Some LEGALISTs just don't believe that they deserve to be loved! Remember, LEGALISTs may judge themselves by the same tough standards they apply to the rest of the world!
Understanding these LEGALIST tendencies, it is clear why this super-responsible type often ends up with super-irresponsible partners. The giving LEGALIST needs a dependent, needy mate: a taker. And if the mate isn't needy at the start of the relationship, the LEGALIST has some surefire tricks to create dependency.
By loving a person with almost opposite personality characteristics, some LEGALISTs feel better, more worthy. So (SJ)LEGALIST thinkers often marry (NF)EMPATHIST perceptives, and (SJ)LEGALIST feelers may find themselves attracted to (NT)ANALYST perceptives.
Since neither (NT)ANALYST perceptives nor (NF)EMPATHIST perceptives are known for the (SJ)LEGALIST's favorite personal traits (stability, responsibility, and sensibility), they trigger the LEGALIST's critical nature, simply by expressing their natural personality! The LEGALIST scowls and scolds and takes over the mate's responsibilities. In a nutshell, the LEGALIST becomes parental.
The mate of whatever type or stripe may shape up a bit under the critical scrutiny of the LEGALIST. There may be apologies and promises to ``get better'', improve, reform. The LEGALIST forgives.
Or another outcome may occur. The errant partner may fatigue of all this nitpicking criticism and attempted revision and become more irresponsible than ever before!
If this occurs, the LEGALIST ironically gets some emotional goodies by feeling even more needed and, thus, more important, but the added responsibility may oppress the super-dependable LEGALIST, and weigh down this well meaning partner with an intolerable load of obligations and duties. For anyone of any type, shouldering too many of others' burdens can lead to burning out snapping.
The scenario we've just painted is how LEGALIST partnerships usually dissolve, with the LEGALIST feeling unfairly depended upon, smothered with worries that should rightfully belong to the ``irresponsible partner.''
The LEGALIST, as the other temperamental types, needs to bear in mind that relationships based on one partner's ``need'' to reform are destined for unhappiness. And an unhappy relationship involving an LEGALIST may very well last a lifetime, since t his type takes commitments so seriously!
On the home front, LEGALISTs prefer conventional domestic relationships.
The LEGALIST man takes work as a serious obligation an expression of love by being the family's breadwinner.
He wants a stable, predictable home environment and he expects his mate to make the household hum like a well-oiled machine. If his mate works outside the home, he won't hesitate to let her know that her familial obligations still come first in his mind.
The LEGALIST woman enjoys being provided for, even if she also works outside the home.
More so than the other temperamental types, the LEGALIST woman is likely to take time consistently to practice the domestic arts (sewing, cooking, cleaning, painting.) Her house is likely to show the signs of conscientious maintenance. Clean, orderly, safe, and functional, her home is a source of pride, and her family a badge of accomplishment.
Whether male or female, family matters matter to the average LEGALIST. Traditional celebrations, such as birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and family reunions, receive the LEGALIST's dutiful, if not always joyful, attention.
Children, too, are important to the LEGALIST. Discipline and etiquette should be taught in the home, this type believes. Rules are part of the teaching process, and respect for ``shoulds'' and ``should nots'' may be drilled into the offspring from an early age onward.
The LEGALIST's conservatism and concern for security may be issues in the mating relationship. Planning for the future, saving, and avoiding frivolous expenditures and conspicuous consumption are second nature to LEGALISTs, but not to other types.
Before the LEGALIST buys anything, a lot of questions must be answered. Do I need it? Is it afford able? Can I buy it with cash, rather than credit? Is it durable? Will it last? Won't the old one do?
To the LEGALIST, life must be sensible.
The LEGALIST enjoys an organized, well scheduled life; lists and time tables abound in most LEGALIST homes. And LEGALISTs tend to organize their mates or create friction and resentment by trying to do so.
Work is an important activity to LEGALISTs, and after the paying job is finished for the week, LEGALISTs often plan a weekend of domestic projects, working on the house or the car.
As a general matter, LEGALISTs tend to spend their leisure time in productive activities (practical crafts, cleaning, fixing, repairing, maintaining), and LEGALISTs often expect their mates to be occupied as well. That expectation may lead to irritation and conflict on both sides.
Simply put, LEGALISTs believe that work is the business of life and playtime must be earned.
LEGALISTs tend to plan their leisure time, just as they plan the rest of their lives. Vacations are scheduled. Reservations are made well in advance. Suitcases are packed the day before departure.
Impulsive, spur-of-the-moment trips may be fine for the other types, but not for an LEGALIST.
The idea of taking a cross-country jaunt without a detailed itinerary would be more than unsettling to the typical LEGALIST. It would be a veritable nightmare!
When it comes to matters sexual, the LEGALIST applies the same rules that govern the rest of the loving relationship.
Oh, the spontaneous, impulsive and passionate affair may last for a while, but pretty soon, sex like all other life pursuits will show up on the LEGALIST's mental checklist of tasks to be accomplished on schedule. Needless to say, this attitude is difficult for the other types to comprehend.
The romantic and passionate (NF)EMPATHIST won't consider sex unless the feeling's there, no matter what day it is. The (NT)ANALYST, totally absorbed in some project or idea, isn't likely to shake that preoccupation, just because ``It's Friday night, and we always make love on Friday night.'' And the fun- loving (SP)REALIST, who hates being tied down to a schedule even at work, is sure to balk at the LEGALIST's objection: ``Not tonight, dear. It's Tuesday, and we just made love yesterday.''
Whenever two LEGALISTS mate, you can count on their relationship to be responsible, organized, scheduled, and completion-oriented. Roles within the relationship are likely to be well-defined, and ``shoulds'' and ``ought to's will be popular, even w hen they're not expressed.
``His and hers'' tasks may be readily distinguished, and conventional sex roles are likely to determine the assignments of who does what.
In a LEGALIST marriage where there are children, boys and girls are likely to be allowed different levels of freedom and exploratory behavior. The girls will be reared to be ``ladies,'' and the boys will be reared to be ``men'' (meaning macho, act-i t-out men).
Age, too, is likely to be a predictable determinant of freedom. Older children will carry greater responsibility and earn greater freedom than younger ones.
In most domestic matters, both parties will tend to do what they believe they're ``supposed to do'' or deal with their deviance by blaming each other or feeling guilty themselves. And please believe me LEGALISTS can be just as hard on each other as they can be on themselves!
Work, productivity, cleanliness, safety and health will be stressed, and domestic chores will be likely to receive systematic attention. The home of a LEGALIST-LEGALIST couple is certain to be a clean one!
To the LEGALIST couple, family matters, and children are likely to be part of the picture. In a general sense, extended family responsibilities usually are taken seriously by this couple, and clan reunions and celebrations will probably figure in the relationship.
Birthday cards and anniversary presents will not be tardy or forgotten by the LEGALIST couple, particularly if one or both are LEGALISTS who prefer feeling over thinking. Should other friends or relatives forget an important event, the LEGALIST couple may be counted on to discuss the lack of thoughtfulness and caring.
Organizations whether professional, religious, fraternal, or recreational will probably fit in to both mates' schedules, and both are likely to allow each other adequate space and time for boys' night out or girls' night out. (And you can be sure th at boys' night out will usually get precedence over the girls' recreation!) But these ``vacations'' from the relationship are more likely to be regular, predictable occurrences than spontaneous, spur-of-the moment events to interrupt the predictable rhythms of the relationship.
Shared goals and material acquisitions are likely to be important to the LEGALIST couple, and they're more likely to save and spend, rather than to spend and pay off debts. If living on credit is unavoidable, you can count on some level of reflexive discomfort on both sides.
But, things are not always going to be smooth sailing for the LEGALIST pair. Both are stubborn and opinionated, with a clear idea of how things are ``supposed to be'' and a resistance to change, no matter how small. Criticism and suggestions for re form and improvement are likely to be handed out by both parties from time to time.
If the LEGALIST man decides he wants to become the house-husband, for whatever reason, he can expect a stormy response from Ms. LEGALIST. And if Ms. LEGALIST decides that she wants to go back to school, she'd better have ready answers for ``How in the world the house and kids will be taken care of with her in class all day and studying at night?!'' In other words, neither party is likely to be reflexively supportive of the other's carrying on in any way contrary to habit and expectation.
When career problems, economic reversals, illness, accidents, or other family emergencies force the LEGALIST couple to restructure their marriage along nonconventional lines, count on the adjustment to take a lot of time and energy.
For instance, if he gets laid up or laid off, and she suddenly becomes the only breadwinner in the family, she may be surprised to discover that she's still expected to take care of all the household responsibilities (which have never been his job and aren't likely to become such without an argument!).
Along those same lines, if Ms. LEGALIST decides she wants to join the National Organization for Women or the Women's Political Caucus, or some other such ``liberated woman'' organization, she can expect less cooperation for her monthly meetings than she'll receive for the Homemaker's Club and the Junior League.
LEGALIST-LEGALIST pairs, as all other ``like likes like'' couples, may look at their relationship with the ``glass is half empty, not half full'' attitude, focusing only on their differences, rather than on their similarities.
First of all, the partner whose preference for sensing is stronger may see the other as a way out intuitive! And the partner who's more comfortable with the judging attitude may regard the other as a wishy-washy perceptive type!
In other words, LEGALIST couples who differ markedly in the strength of their preferences for sensing and judging may actually regard each other as ``foreign'' types!
Other important conflicts and misunderstandings may revolve around the dimensions of thinking-feeling and introversion-extraversion.
For example, a LEGALIST who prefers feeling may consider a thinking-type partner to be cold-hearted and mechanistic in interpersonal affairs. The thinker, in turn, may call the feeler soft-headed and emotional. In either case, they may minimize the areas of compatibility and focus on their differences.
By the same token, introverted LEGALISTS may find their need for peace, privacy, and personal territory continually violated by extraverted LEGALISTS, whose requests for socializing, contact, conversation and feedback are frustrated by introverted partners. Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for interaction are so different.
The significance of differences along the introversion-extraversion dimension cannot be overstated. An ESTJ and an ISTJ represent vastly different personality styles in a close relationship. And an ESFJ and an ISFJ may have to work very hard at understanding each other's needs even though they have three out of four of the personality factors in common.
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