(SJ)Legalist & (SP)Realist

The (SJ)Legalist and the (SP)Realist

These two sensors may be drawn together by their shared anchorage to here-and-now reality, since neither is likely to be carried away by sweeping idealism or fanciful notions of how life might be. What's real is real and that is that, these two agree.

But there the agreement ends. In fact, it ends before that, because LEGALISTs and REALISTs both see themselves as realists, but they don't see eye to eye on what reality is.

In terms of the Aesop's fable, the REALIST is life's grasshopper, fiddling a merry tune all the summer long, playing, heedless of the impending fall and winter, with their bleak promises of cold, hardship and shortage.

The LEGALIST is life's ant, diligent, industrious, steady, hard-working and serious: preparing always for the future, doing what should be done, paying less attention to pleasure than to obligation and perceived necessity.

The REALIST is an optimist, in love with life, oblivious to rules and regulations. The LEGALIST is a pessimist, so overwhelmed with rules and regulations that life itself may seem elusive. The REALIST hates schedules and commitments. The LEGALIST appreciates a well regulated life.

The REALIST hates obligations and expectations in relationships. For the LEGALIST, relationship means a series of obligations and expectations.

The REALIST lives a life free from the fetters of the past, of familial and traditional roles. The LEGALIST respects the continuity of life and relationships, of kin and clan and culture.

When these two types mate, there are predictable benefits and conflicts. In short, the REALIST may learn a bit of the LEGALIST's reflexive responsibility, and the LEGALIST may learn to lighten up a bit and take life easy. But if you talk to most LEGALIST-REALIST couples they'll clue you in to the fact that life isn't all fun and games for this couple.

LEGALIST: We've been going together for two years now and I feel it's time to get married, put down roots, buy a condo, have a baby, make a real commitment to this relationship.
REALIST: AAAAARGH!

******

LEGALIST: The check book is only balanced when I balance it. If I didn't pay the bills, God knows what would happen!
REALIST: Unless things are planned a week in advance, we can't do anything, and changing a schedule once something's planned is taken as a federal crime. Can't we just live spontaneously once in a while?

******

LEGALIST: I don't see any sense of reliability or responsibility in my partner. Frankly, I have to live, day in and day out, with the reality that I can't count on my mate. There's no sense of trust or dependability.
REALIST: My mate has some really great qualities. Everything's taken care of all the time. But, there's just no sense of fun, of impulse. When life isn't going well when the job's got me down a weekend vacation, or some dinners o ut, or a few new clothes really boost my spirits. My mate? When things are glum, spending a little money is the last thing that seems reasonable.

******

LEGALIST: It was a family reunion, an important thing to my parents and to me. My mate showed up two hours late, giggling, and if you'd seen the outfit! Isn't there any sense of decency...?
REALIST: I didn't want to go to that stupid reunion in the first place. I was at a party, having a great time. Isn't it enough that I stopped what I was doing and showed up?

And so goes the interaction.

Money matters loom important when REALISTs and LEGALISTs mate. Neither type minds working, and when the circumstances are right neither minds spending, but the REALIST's relationship with work and spending is quite different than for an LEGALIST. T he LEGALIST works steadily, patiently, reliably. The LEGALIST likes predictable working situations. The REALIST prefers work situations which include both change and flexibility, but within a predictable framework.

The LEGALIST spends money on major, long-lasting, functional purchases, while the REALIST may be a ``conspicuous consumer'' attracted to glitter, ``toys'', and good-time expenditures which leave behind no sturdy, stable monument.

The LEGALIST gives gifts at appropriate times: birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and such. And the LEGALIST expects reciprocation. The REALIST may forget an ``occasion'' now and them, but the REALIST is more likely to buy the LEGALIST mate a gift spontaneously a lavish one which may blow the budget. The consequences are predictable: The REALIST may catch a load of criticism for such unexpected thoughtfulness.

The LEGALIST likes a clean house, a well ordered home life. The REALIST doesn't understand why the LEGALIST would care so much unless that enhances having a good time or unless the couple can afford to have someone else do the cleaning. The LEGALIST believes in well-disciplined children, because teaching discipline is an essential part of parenting. The REALIST believes in playing with the children as long as that's enjoyable and then having them be ``seen and not heard'' so the grownups can frolic.

Predictable Crises For This Combination:

The LEGALIST may conclude that the REALIST has no sense of responsibility, and the REALIST may conclude that the LEGALIST has no sense of fun or sport.
The LEGALIST may treat the REALIST as a child, and the REALIST may come to regard the LEGALIST as a parent, with one assuming all responsibility for breadwinning and the day-to-day real-world obligations of the relationship and the other behaving in an increasingly irresponsible manner.
The LEGALIST may try to regulate the impulsive REALIST's working habits into orderly, predictable timetables, and the REALIST may taunt the LEGALIST for being yoked to a timecard and a schedule book.
The REALIST may want to play all the time or so it may seem to the LEGALIST and the LEGALIST may want to work all the time, as it seems to the REALIST.
The REALIST may accuse the LEGALIST of being a pessimist. The LEGALIST may accuse the REALIST of being a pollyanna.

Possible Benefits For This Combination:

The REALIST may lighten up the LEGALIST, and the LEGALIST may help the REALIST develop a respect for schedules, goal-setting, planning and personal achievement.
The REALIST may teach the LEGALIST how to play, and show this work-directed type that there are other ways to accomplish work: working cleverly rather than just working hard.

Follow the links below to learn more about each Mating Type.

Follow these links to learn more about how different Mating Types interact.

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