``Life is for living,'' must be the motto of the (SP)REALIST. Whichever temperamental type the REALIST chooses for any long-term relationship, that person had better be prepared for a life of activity or, at least, a life which permits the REALIST partner's activity to continue without inter ruption. Whether action takes the form of work, play, arts and crafts, hobbies, or sports, REALISTs need to feel active and involved with life, if they're to feel alive at all.
What's your personal pleasure: swimming, skin-diving, sailing, dancing, hiking, flying, driving, jogging, bicycling, football, basketball, softball, volleyball, tennis, racquetball? Or maybe you're a vicarious player in life: avidly following your favorite pro or college team in person or on TV?
Perhaps you satisfy your activity hunger through the work you've chosen. Find a profession with a strong tactile or hands-on component, and chances are good that REALISTs like yourself dominate the field.
The life-size games of business and the military also attract their shares of thinker-type REALISTs.
You're probably wondering: ``Why focus so much attention on the REALIST's activity needs? Isn't this a profile on mating?''
It's hard to believe, I know, but not all personality types share your affection for such pursuits, nor your intensity in pursuing them. And, if you're like most REALIST types, your involvement in ``doing your thing'' may be baffling, frustrating, a nd, eventually, enraging to the people closest to you.
Many a well-meaning mate of a REALIST type has invested years thinking (and hoping) that the REALIST would eventually outgrow that characteristic, unquenchable thirst for activity.
You'll be wise to make sure that any potential mate understands how much space, time, and independence you need in order to be happy. There'll be fewer hard feelings and misunderstandings, if nothing more.
Let's take a look now at the REALIST and sex and the REALIST and committed relationships. You'll probably be the first to point out that commitment doesn't necessarily, or even ideally, precede or follow passion for the sensuous REALIST type.
Consider the typical TV detective series hero, sallying forth weekly to tackle adversaries and adventures with REALIST-style present-tense thinking: countering new threats and adversaries with appropriate skills and tactics, supported by well- selected tools.
Appropriately, these portrayals of the REALIST-ideal never exclude the passionate angle! If love poems and roses figure into the plot at all, they're usually introduced as well-selected props in just another well- practiced ploy to win the sexual game.
If you have that picture well in mind, just remember that the object of the REALIST's attention rarely shows up in next week's episode.
Love 'em and leave 'em. That's the way the REALIST is often portrayed. And, admittedly, there's often a strong stripe of that spirit in most REALISTs male and female alike.
The REALIST may impulsively rush into an affair, but not into a commitment. The REALIST enjoys relationships that don't press with too many demands, ``shoulds,'' ``shouldn'ts,'' expectations, needs, and schedules.
``Keep it light,'' is a familiar REALIST motto, when it comes to passionate interactions.
Many REALISTs don't understand that other types may not be so handy or comfortable dealing with sex and love as two different things.
When it comes to sex, the REALIST is typically an unabashed ``me-first'' lover, a gleefully child-like sensation seeker, an impulsive and dramatic sexual performer who enjoys love-making to the fullest, more free from conventionality and guilt tripping than any other lover type.
``Let's go for it!'' says the enthusiastic REALIST. If the other temperamental types were capable of the REALIST's uncomplicated sensuality, there would be no problem. Unfortunately for the REALIST, few share that ability to live and let live and be in the present moment.
The REALIST is an engaging character. Other types may be swept away by the REALIST's sheer energy and passion.
The more serious ANALYST and LEGALIST personality types may find the REALIST's light-hearted approach to relationships to be captivating at first; and the EMPATHIST may happily misread the REALIST's message of ``Let's have fun!'' for ``I love you madly!''
Perhaps more importantly, the EMPATHIST may interpret the REALIST's ``I love you (today)'' as ``I love you (forever).''
Sex and love mean different things to the different temperamental types, and when sensing and perception join forces in the REALIST personality, the result is sometimes a physical, sensuous person who thinks like a kid in a candy store. Why not taste it all?
The majority of REALISTs do settle down, eventually. And, once the REALIST is well mated, this type may be remarkably stable. So long as the REALIST's activity needs are met, and so long as some of the fire and spontaneity can be preserved in the r elationship, the REALIST is likely to be an agreeable, dependable mate. Oh, the REALIST may stray now and then, usually on impulse, but unlike the intuitive types this character doesn't believe that the grass is necessarily greener elsewhere. That's the REALIST's reality factor shining through: living life as it is, not searching for the ideal.
When REALISTs do give up on a relationship when it finally crosses that unmarked threshold from tolerable to troublesome this type classically just disappears.
Dealing with prolonged unhappiness and confrontation just isn't the REALIST style. Sticking around in an uncomfortable situation isn't either. Relationship counseling is too theoretical, too abstract, to be appealing to the average REALIST. So, when the heat's too great, the REALIST just gets out of the kitchen.
With the exception of some introverted and feeling REALISTS I've known, most mates of this tempera ment tend to heal quickly from the hurts of mismatched relationships. The here and now is more compelling to most of these folks than the fading memory traces of bad times and hurt feelings.
Watch the fireworks when REALISTS mate. Double the dose of that here-and-now reality, the spontane ity, activity and independence, and spread it out over two people's interests, skills, sports, hobbies, and occupations, and just see if you can fit it all into one relationship.
These two freedom-lovers are sure to give each other the space and time that's needed to pursue hobbies, athletics, and other action-filled pastimes.
Competition is the stuff of life for the REALIST, and, if a REALIST couple plays the same games or sports together, you can count on some amount of good-natured one-upsmanship being part of the agenda.
Challenges like: ``I'm signing up for skydiving lessons!'' are likely to be met by a reply of ``Me too!''
A low-key weekend of hiking in the country can turn into a fast-paced jog up a mountain. (``He's not going to beat me!'')
If one takes hang-gliding or sailing lessons, you can count on the other to be next in line at the training center.
Usually, this couple will play with others and play together when that's convenient. They'll sign up for tennis matches and golf tournaments and 10-K road-running races. They'll belong to the country club and the Nautilus gym. They'll drive in sports car rallies.
They'll have one closet filled with camping equipment, and another packed with sports gear. There's an old surfboard under the bed and a boat in the garage. The skis and poles are in the laundry room, and the ski rack stays attached to the sports van even in the summer months. (Who in the world can find time to take it down?)
Jogging suits and wet suits and gym clothes are in the bottom drawer of the dresser, and there's usually a racquet or a couple of golf clubs in the back seat of the sports car.
They'll spontaneously take off for a weekend or a week, and they'll both try to adjust work schedules to allow for recreation and unplanned get-aways to fun places.
This is the fun couple. Free time is important. They work for money and then they spend it on good times and toys. To the extent that work is fun and challenging (and, consequently, another all-absorbing game), these folks will work and work hard. To the extent that work is a boring, 40-hour a week obligation, these guys will do everything they can to wangle some freedom and time off.
Vacations are important to these folks, and recreation has to be scheduled in on a daily basis to keep them functioning at their optimal level.
Gizmos, gadgets, tools and toys are absolutely necessary to support the REALIST life style. Mechanical things, from video recorders to microwave ovens, are high on their list of wanted items. Cars and recreational vehicles assume a position of prominence on this ``wish list,'' too. Is a Lear jet one of life's possibilities? How about a yacht? Then, this is the couple that will buy it!
Long-range planning? Saving for the future? Taking care of bill-paying and checkbook balancing? Handling routine household responsibilities? These chores typically get neglected or delegated by REALIST-types. But in a relationship of two of these folks, somebody has to give in and take care of business or business just won't be handled at all.
If one partner's a thinker, chances are good these ``reality'' tasks may end up in his or her lap. But, whoever gets the assignment and adjusts to the duties involved, an amazing thing happens! That partner appears to change type, right before the other's eyes.
In particular, the one who has to exercise judgment will typically begin showing more of those (SJ)LEGALIST traits in other domains of the relationship as well! Don't be surprised if the other begins to complain that there's suddenly a ``stick in the mud'' in the relationship!
It isn't uncommon for this kind of mistaken identity to occur, or even to be fostered by a relationship involving two similar personality types. When people are alike in
Terms of their central temperament (either SP, SJ, NF, or NT), they typically focus on their areas of difference, rather than on their areas of similarity. It's the ``glass half empty, not half full'' phenome non.
First of all, the partner whose preference for sensing is stronger may see the other as an intuitive! And the partner who's most comfortable with the perceptive attitude may regard the other as a rigid judging type.
In other words, REALIST couples who differ markedly in the strength of their preferences for sensing and perception may actually regard each other as ``foreign'' types!
Other important conflicts and misunderstandings may revolve around the dimensions of thinking-feeling and introversion-extraversion.
For example, a REALIST who prefers thinking may consider a feeling-type partner to be soft-headed and emotional. The REALIST who prefers feeling, in turn, may call the thinker hard-hearted and uncaring. In either case, they may minimize their areas of compatibility and focus on their differences.
By the same token, introverted REALISTS may find their need for peace, privacy, and personal territory continually violated by extraverted REALISTS, whose requests for socializing, contact, conversation, and feedback are frustrated by introverted partners. Neither may recognize the other as a kindred soul because their needs for interaction are so different.
The significance of differences along the introversion-extraversion dimension cannot be overstated. An ESTP and an ISTP represent vastly different personality styles in a close relationship. And an ESFP and an ISFP may have to work very hard at understanding each other's needs even though they have three out of four of the personality factors in common.
Follow the links below to learn more about each Mating Type.
Follow these links to learn more about how different Mating Types interact.
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